Blame

Blaming someone else for a problem can feel so satisfying in the moment that it can be difficult to pause and see the damage being done. But placing blame is a hollow victory. Ironically by blaming another for a problem, you are actually handing over your power. It is now up to that person to make your life either glorious or miserable. By blaming another, we take ourselves – our understanding, empathy, and input – out of the mix and assign the control to someone else. We lose our connection to ourselves and the other person and are often left feeling dependent, victimized and powerless.


What is the other option, then, when blaming seems the only logical thing to do? The other choice is to take partial responsibility for the conflict at hand. It is this choice that gives us a sense of control and the possibility of lasting happiness within a relationship that is certain to have bumps along the way. It also allows us to complete the task of growing up, as we develop new skills for handling conflicts that remind us of earlier times. Taking responsibility means pausing for a beat in a moment of stress and resisting the reactionary urge to instantly blame the other party.


It requires emotional centeredness, and a fresh set of eyes that can take a step back and look at a situation with clarity and empathy. By making the choice to take partial responsibility rather than blame, you have the power to create your own happiness independent of your partner. Here are some steps you can take in a moment of stress to avoid blame: Stay in control. Remind yourself that the momentary feeling of power blame can give you is false and actually leaves you powerless. Get unstuck. Blame can be a bad habit.


Break the cycle any way you can: walk away from a fight, meditate, or talk to someone new about the problem. Grow fresh eyes. Force yourself to actively see a situation from the other person’s point of view. Reverse the charges. Take an honest look at how you contributed to the problem. Let it go. Sometimes the only way to move past a problem is to consciously proceed forward. Don’t hold on to your resentment. Remember: these steps are the ideal. A life worth living puts us on a path where we strive towards our ideal way of being for a lifetime.